Memories and Affects

We all seem to have this tendency to think that little ones will not remember, events from their childhood.
The fact is, certain impressions stay for a lifetime and can affect the eventual adult. Impressions such as realizing all the other kids have something they don't, or discovering that adults are not perfect and can break a promise.....
One broken promise, teaches a child they can't trust. This may seem like a simple thing, at the time, but we find out years later that we had a huge affect on our child's physique. You see this in adults, who can't seem to trust their mates in life. You see it, when an adult has no confidence in themselves.

You want your child to grow up to be successful? You want your child to be able to branch out and reach for the stars? Then you better watch your actions, while they are still very tiny.

Actions such as: making no promises you can't keep, making the child feel that he/she was an 'accident', things that make your child feel that what they have to say is not important.

This doesn't mean you have to cater to their every whim. In fact, they also need to be taught that the world doesn't revolve around them. At the same time, your child needs to understand that there is a time and place for everything and that to have knowledge about 'when is the right time' is to have a better chance at success.

Build-Don't destroy

One of the fastest ways I know, to create a troubled child, is to criticize and never uplift.
It's up to the parents to build a child's self esteem. The world sure won't do it for you.

It's more than just 'that's great, hon'. It takes a lot of "you're the smartest kid, I know and I'm proud of you". "You can do anything you set your mind to."
"I don't know what I'd do without you."
"I love you so much." "You mean so much to me." "I'm the proudest mamma, a kid could have."
"Do you know, you're special to me?" "Sure, you can do it. I have no doubt." "I know you have it in you. You'll get it done, someday."

Kids need to hear these things, every day. The more you uplift them and encourage them, the more they excel.

Make a child feel they are stupid or not important and you'll watch your little ones turn into stutterers, tantrum throwers and just plain all around obnoxious. Either they will feel that what they have to say, is not important to you or they may just decide that the only way to get attention from you, is by screaming.

Pay attention to your children. Make them feel that what they have to say, is important. That way, when they get older and face more serious things in life, they will feel more open to talking with you about it.

Monster in the House?

Remember when you waddled sideways through the grocery store, praying this child will be born soon? Remember the labor pains, the hard work to bring that child into this world?

Tell me-were you thinking, at the time, how wonderful it was going to be, having a new boss in your life? I doubt it.

You didn't give birth, just to unleash a monster in your house and certainly not on the world. So why just sit by and watch that child turn into just that?

It wears you out, you completely forget all the wonderful dreams you had concerning the child. All you do, day and night, is defend yourself. That's ridiculous.

Having given birth, you are the soul 'last word' authority, in that childs life. If he has a father, it's the father's job for stern discipline. Not abuse! Discipline.

Paddling a child is not abuse, unless you're unleashing your furry on him. Tend to the problems before it gets that far. Don't fight for control-stay in control from the beginning.

When the child says "I don't like beans!"
You say "You have to eat at least one mouth full before you can leave the table. If you don't eat at least one mouth full, you will sit at this table all night. You're not leaving until you do"
And stick to it. If he decides to have a tantrum, pick him up, paddle his bottom and put him right back in his high chair to finish his beans. The attitude is, this is going to happen regardless of what you do.

Start from the age of 6 months, establishing who is the boss. Force feeding a child is abuse but forcing him to eat at least one bite, is not.

Bedtime is not war time. Bed time is bed time. Go against your rules and it is rewarded with a spanking.

Starting off from the get-go, putting your foot down and not putting up with one tiny second of shenanigans, gets you off to a good start.

You will find that things go along beautifully for several weeks, maybe even months and then suddenly you start noticing huge disrespect for the parents. You have to nip this in the bud, immediately or lose control, all together.

Saying 'no' to mother, is strictly not tolerated. Whining instead of obeying is out of bounds. Refusing to obey is astronomical sin.

Setting down rules should be simple. Easy to understand.
-You don't hit others and you don't break things.
-You don't spit food or throw it.
-You obey your mother and father.
-You don't whine and cry to get something you want.
-You don't deliberately pee on the floor.

Forget the stupid Dr. Spock stuff, it didn't work. It's ok to say"Don't"

If a child is refusing to 'sit in the chair', you demand with a stern voice, "You will sit in that chair and you will like it!"

Don't confuse love and compassion for discipline. You discipline because you love the child enough to raise him to be the adult, everyone will love. Not the adult, everyone runs from.

Who's the Boss?

You're in the grocery store and your 2 year old begins to beg for you to pick him up. You're busy, trying to concentrate.

The begging turns quickly to whining and then into full fledged tantrum. He sits in the cart and gets louder and louder. Then the 'crocodile tears' start and the loud fake crying.

This is getting embarrassing. Afraid to admonish the child, for fear of being arrested and your child taken away from you, you try to ignore his demands.

Other shoppers are beginning to make comments and you feel helpless.

Here's what you do. For goodness sake don't bribe him. That just reinforces his opinion that you're a push over and all he has to do is whine loud enough to get what ever he wants.

Get face to face with your child and demand that he look you in the eye. Every time he looks away, trying for the sympathy face for strangers, you take his chin and force his face toward you, demanding that he look at you.

Only speak, when he's looking right at you. Here's what you will say.
"You think you're going to rule over me, young man?" "You think that if you cry and whine and put on a big show, that I will get embarrassed and give you what you want?"
"Well, I have news for you. This is your last chance to shut up, straighten up and act like the wonderful son. One more sound out of you and I promise you this-you will go home to a spanking and straight to bed without dinner. Does that sound like a good idea?"
"Do you really think mother is going to forget all about this?" "It isn't going to happen"
"Now! Are you going to straighten up and act right?"

If he defiantly says "No", then it's time to leave the cart where it is and go straight to the bathroom. Make him walk, all the way.

In the bathroom, you can give him a choice: a spanking right here and now or we go back to the cart and he straightens up. Usually the child will chose the latter. You ask him again, "Are you sure? You sure you don't want the spanking?" Don't just let him off the hook after his first answer. Drill it into his little head that you're not going to put up with his little 'fist shaking' at his mother.

Then go back to the cart and look him in the eye. "I'm depending on you to keep your word. One whine out of you and it's straight back to the bathroom and you won't get a choice, a second time. You most definitely will get a spanking."


What you're doing is establishing 2 facts: 1-he's not fooling anybody and you know that he's just trying to push you around. 1-you're the boss, not him.

Children will use every possible tool, to get what they want and as long as you let them get away with it, the problem just grows. Some day, he will be 14. Remember that.